I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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