I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
BRING THE BAGELS
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
