scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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