oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
