she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
