he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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