Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
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