you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
