cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
soo... how was my night?
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