Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
