hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
