is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
