I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
