If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
