I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
