weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
