Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
