You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
