so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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