I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
