my room smells like sperm. sweet.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
