i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
