Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
