Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
