She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
