I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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