It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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