so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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