I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
