I think I am morally bankrupt
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
