that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just cut my nipple shaving
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
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