don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
