My nipple is on Facebook.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
