I'm going to jail i love you
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
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