TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
