They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
