i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
