non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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