absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
