Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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