he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
