Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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