Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
