12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
