if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
