On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
