did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
