So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
