NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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