im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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