My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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